and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
