the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My feet surprised me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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