I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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