My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize