Buhtt sex?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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