Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
