You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
