The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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