Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
3 2 1 whiskey
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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