All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
