before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
