Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
