you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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