So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize