I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
