he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
