my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
