Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
