so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
