I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
