we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
