You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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