you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
