Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
