I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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