The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize