Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
