I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
