If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
