even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
