He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
