dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
