Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
