Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
