I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize