Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
