Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
