yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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