he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am naked and annoyed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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