ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
