ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
