mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
