so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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