pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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