you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
