remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
