Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
