I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
