after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
