I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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