Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
