I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize