dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
