I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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