Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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