OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
