Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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