She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
