I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
