just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
