Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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