i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
