oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
