My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
