well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize