Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
