Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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