im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
