remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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