Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
