Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
